Paul McFarlane unfilterd

Hello, my name’s Paul McFarlane. You don’t know me, unless you’ve seen the latest, soon-to-be-released monstermegamothahflickin’ indie “Buddy, coming of age?” flick from Gemini Productions, unlimited and locally owned,

THE BUCKET LIST CALIBER ROAD TRIP

will soon be coming to you in the form of a book. That’s right, I said B-O-O-K. Pick one up and read it sometime.

You’ll be glad ya did.

My motto is, get this, <HACK!> uh… <throat-clearing> pardon me…<hocks a loogie>.....my..my motto, uh...is…??? Shit, what’s my motto? Anyone? Seriously?

Hey, guys, here’s a thought…. What if we’re running an underground medical marijuana distribution network? No, David, hear me out for once, okay? Thank you! ...a medical marijuana distribution network to get POT TO THE POOR! <that’s POOPR.COM> Think about it and get back to me.

Alternatives. That’s our theme, People, right there. O, Lord, I think I may be GAY! Imagine, finding that after all these years…..

The Good Old Days and the dilapidated infrastructure by which it stands -- one nation... among many with misery and injustice for all -- is crumbling around our ears, pardon the cliche. Grids are going glitchy, moments before going out, and the surface of the Earth rumbles with the Dance of the Macy’s Christmas Sale searchlights brushing randomly over Her face.

Questions? You got questions? Anyone? Seriously? That's my time, thank you, we'll be here all week, take care now, bye.

Where were you born?

I’m a Ding Dong Daddy from Dumas, baby! June 5th, 1948. I never open Birthday or other greeting cards that don’t contain money or reloadable plastic, okay? Save us both some time and trouble down the road, right up front. SHOTGUN!!

.

Opening Draft

Novel notes, Christmas wk, Sunday, December 21, 2014

No ‘This Day in Texas History, children, the mean ol’ cat ate

our interweb.

On the morning of the Winter Solstice Romex gnawed through several small yet critical wires in the electronics bay at The Wilderness.

”.We’re dead on The Interweb.,” David announced at large from the lookout seat. A laptop sat open on a small shelf in front of him. “Why are we off line?”

“We’re dead on the side of the Great Information Highway,” Paul, David’s near life-long friend, answered from below, “because some critter or critters unknown chewed through several bits of wiring. We’ve lost the wifi satellite receiver, the router and the cell phone charging station.”

“Are you shitting me?” David responded. He flashed on a mental image of dinosaur carcasses lying stiff-legged and limp on the sand.

”I wouldn’t shit you,” Paul replied. “You’re my favorite turd.”

“Can you fix it?”

“With what shall I fix it, Dear David, Dear David?” Paul responded, singing in a rich baritone. “With what shall I fix it, Dear David, with what?”

“With a patch, Dear Pauly, Dear Pauly.” His own voice still had its tenor lilt to it. “With a patch, Dear Pauly, Old Pauly, with a patch!”

< Paul & David sing >

Follow Through Friday, Dec. 19

Plan of the Morning ~ The Friday Follow Through, carrying on from

yesterday.

December 19, 1832 ~ San Antonio is the first community

to address citizens’ grievances (the Bexar Remonstrance)

to the legislature of Coahuila and Texas.

The character formerly known as “Nick” (who the hell knows

where “Nick” came from, anyway) will be played by Paul

“Spanky” McFarlane, David’s sidekick since first grade..

Paul: “Spanky”?? Really??? You know I’m sensitive

about my rolly-polly good looks.

From the Road Book!

If fiction is a lie, it’s a lie of a special order,

it’s a lie that tells the truth.

Peter Selgin

By Cunning & Craft

What matters most is story, story, story!

Peter Straub

“I was so deep in Old Baptist Religion” David said,

“I farted Amazing Grace!”

ADF

“How far is it?” Paul wanted to know.

“Not that far,” David tossed off. “About as far as it takes to down a breakfast burrito at 85 mph.”

Me an' Paul

Me an’ Paul

(also known as ‘Gemini’)

David Forest & Paul McFarlane interview:

[DAVID SPEAKS]

Willie did not write that for us, but it damned well could be about us.

Mom, can me an’ Paul go to the store!  Mom, me an’ Paul need two dimes!

Uh, Mom? I...I….I got a note from the teacher about me an’ Paul. She says you gotta sign it, and I gotta bring it back to her.

Me an’ Paul are going camping for a few days, Mom. Can you front us some gas money?

Me and Paul will be fine, Mom. It’s just for a couple or three months.

Paul “Spanky” McFarlane and I were born seven days and a couple hundred miles apart. I’m May 30, he’s June 7 which makes me the older brother. He entered this world on the Staked Plains of The Panhandle. I was born right here in River City on the sagging underbelly of the Rolling Plains. We met, me and Paul, in Mrs. Humphries’ first-grade classroom at Thomas Jefferson Elementary School.

[PAUL SPEAKS]

I can’t remember David not being in my life, can you?

[DAVID] You saying you don’t remember life before grade school?

Paul: What’s grade school? And who you calling “sidekick?”

David: What do you mean, dean?

Paul: On the Plan of the Morning today, you referred to me as --and I quote--The character formerly known as “Nick”..... will be played by Paul “Spanky” McFarlane, David’s sidekick since first grade..

Where the hell did you come up with Nick, anyway?

David: Placeholder until I could come up with a suitable alias. Your welcome.

Paul: Thanks for the name change, by the way. And what about the sidekick thing.

David: Well, that’s what you are, my sidekick. My Pat Brady.

Paul: Pat Brady!?! Couldn’t I be Dr. Watson? Why do I have to be the sidekick?

David: I did not write that you are “THE sidekick”. There is no The Sidekick in Gemini. We each sidekick the other, brother.

Paul: So you’re my sidekick?

David: Hope to shout.

Paul: You didn’t write it that way.

David: No need to. Reader will catch on.

Paul: Maybe Reader would get it quicker if I was your wing man.

David: Are you CRAZY!?! There're no wing men in WESTERNS!

Throwback Thu'sday, 12/18

The font is “Coming Soon”

Wednesday, December 17, ‘14

Dec. 17, 1791 ~ NYC traffic regulation creates 1st 1-way street

The Bucket List Caliber Road Trip

Plan of the Morning ~ Don’t burn breakfast

Get David and Bea together in the same folder

“Tell us how you really feel about Bea True, hey?”

DONE!

Themes ~ or I don’t really know if these would be considered “themes”,

but I see them as potential elements, shall we say, that I

would like to explore, whatever the fuck they’re “called”.

Immigration on the Texas border ~ I mean, how bad is it really

down there, ya know?

Water ~ or should I say the lack thereof, hmmmmmm?

This Boy-Girl thang! ~ Can an attractive ‘though homely man in his

mid 60s enjoy a just-one-of-the-guys, non-sexual yet

deeply fullfilling relationship with a the statuesque

blonde with big boobies?

<Day Break>

Plan of the Morning ~ Throwback Thursday 12/18 ~ Have fun “doing it”!

Dec. 18, 1603 ~ First fleet of the Dutch East India Company under Admiral Steven van der Haghendeparts for the East-Indies

Take a peek through Stephen King’s Secret Windows, like maybe

while waiting for Everett to get his state i.d. card.

Where the hell did David’s Profile get off to? Need we write it o’er?

But of course you need to write it again, DA!

Revive David’s Profile and do that other thing you gave

JJR yesterday, the “Day in the Life” scene.

Question of the Day! ~ Will there be murder and mayhem and gratuitous violence with absolutely no redeeming social value in this story?

David:  Like it or not, man, action sells. Remember what we said around the newsroom, “If it bleeds, it leads!”

Nick: Is this the wrong time to request a name-change operation?

Dawg: Lays curled in the corner, pretending to sleep (something he does marvelously well) while assessing who at the table still has bacon.

Bea: [ THIS SPACE RESERVED FOR WHEN BEA RETURNS FROM THE AUNTIE AMARILLO ROAD TRIP ]

Nick: Are we talking bullets and bombs and blades, oh my, here?

David: We are setting on the Texas-Mexico border in the early 21st century. How long can a Gringo park down there without getting shot at, at least?